The divorce of a couple that has built a homestead together will lead to a fight for the homestead handled by the court. This is my story.
The Video is at the End of the Post
The Firm Decision to Divorce
When one person in the marriage makes this final decision to get a divorce, it needs to be firm and immovable. In my case, I had threatened divorce numerous times. But, my husband, Gary, had always managed to talk me out of it by getting pastors or friends to convince me that he was repentant and would change. I didn’t get married to have another divorce. To understand the reasons for my divorce, see the previous post here. https://healthyhomesteadingadventures.com/5-reasons-for-homestead-divorce/
Nothing had changed this time. A friend of his, who had previously intervened to try to save our marriage, contacted me on Facebook. He bombarded me with quotes about forgiveness. After explaining that I had forgiven Gary numerous times, I invited him to take my husband into his home so he could experience what I was living through. He didn’t want to do that and changed his tactics.
Threat to Fight for the Homestead
Now, this friend threatened me that if I divorced my husband, he would fight me and take the homestead from me. I wondered if that wasn’t out of character for my husband. He always told me that when he and his wife divorced, he gave the house to his first wife. Actually, I had my doubts as to whether that was even true. Was he saying it just to look good? Finally, I blocked Gary’s friend from hassling me on Facebook. Actually, he was the one who encouraged us not to have anything permitted by the county. He helped my husband with all the legal documents. Consequently, I knew that he would be advising my husband on how to fight for the homestead.
Should We Settle Out of Court?
Gary offered to settle out of court when he realized he probably couldn’t win. He wanted a section of land way up the mountain and he wanted the tractor. After much thought, prayer, and counsel with family, I said no to the proposition. Why would I want him as my closest neighbor? For sure, I would need the tractor that I had received as part of my inheritance.
The Fight for the Homestead was on.
I filled out my information and filed for divorce. He was served the papers. They were creatively filled out and I received my copy. It was shocking to read his account of things. In the fight for the homestead, both parties want to win and sometimes that means coloring the truth.
The Reason the Featured Image Was Chosen
The featured image was taken after my son had competed in a bodybuilding competition. He got to take home a battle ax. My daughter was also a bodybuilder and they thought it would be fun to pose as if fighting for the battle ax. In the picture, my son looks calm and his size gives him a clear advantage. On the other hand, my daughter appears more determined to win. She portrays exactly how I felt during this battle for the homestead.
Fighting with Truth and Lies
When a couple divorces, they should go before the judge with each sharing the truth as they see it, and then the judge decides what is fair and true. When I received my husband’s Declaration, I was shocked at the outright lies. I will share more details in the video, but here is one example.
1. The 332-acre property in French Gulch down payment of $40,000 was paid with co-mingled funds consisting of inherited money and community funds, as was the $23,000 for materials to put up the shell of the house and the concrete slab it sits on. (Of course, I filed bank statements to disprove this lie. Note, he doesn’t state how much came from him.) The property title and mortgage were placed in Tamara’s name for tax purposes, however not to diminish my own actual personal interest in the property. (What were those tax purposes? Because of his selfish nature, he readily signed the property over to me so that he wouldn’t have to pay the property taxes.
The Interspousal Transfer Grant Deed Weapon
See this post for more info. Title Company Advice Interspousal Transfer Grant Deed/)
Obviously, he knew that this was a big mistake for fighting to take the homestead away from me. This document declared that the homestead was my sole and separate property that the State of California could not divide between us. Sometime after the divorce, I found a large manilla envelope in the cupboard of the motorhome. In it was a letter addressed to the title company stating, “I want my name back on the title to my property.” The response of the title company was that he needed to have his letter notarized. That delay kept him weak in the battle. I made sure to find the paperwork of the Interspousal Grant Deed and filed it on the last day to file.
The Fight for Spousal Support
Gary had no self-respect as a man and filed for spousal support. Shockingly, he requested $2,000.00 per month support. He tried to make out that he was doing floor covering bids and needed to have a special expense of $1,500.00 for training for a seminar and test in Sacramento. Besides that, he wanted help with travel, room, and board. I had already given him $500.00 for this training and nothing ever came of it.
He gave the reasons why he couldn’t work a minimum-wage job. It “would not provide adequate support and I would have to drive into Redding to fulfill that job, which would keep me from the necessary care I need to devote to the property, and the ongoing construction, and would also result in more negative flow of means due in part to the costs associated with the drive to and from work every day, and would prevent me from being able to adequately and timely perform the odd jobs and commercial bidding I undertake.” Give me a break. He wanted to have the land and have me support him in his very important job of working on the property.
Praying to Win the Fight for the Homestead
God brought me to this land, and I knew that He wanted me to develop it for Him. The homestead was now under attack, and so I prayed that God would intervene in this case and prevent the enemy from winning. I also prayed that he not burden me with having to pay Gary spousal support. With a teenager to support, I couldn’t see how a judge would award such a thing. Going to court makes me very nervous, so I prayed for peace and strength to face the battle.
The Battle for the Homestead in Court
There was a preliminary court hearing with a judge who seemed understanding. Then we had a hearing with a commissioner. The courtroom was packed with many awaiting their turn to have a judgment on their divorce. Gary had gotten a petite female lawyer dressed in a minidress. Somehow, she got our case to be the first on the docket.
We were called to the front and there we stood before the commissioner. My father had been a family law commissioner. He used to take us kids to sit in his courtroom and watch the proceedings. Now, here I was in the process of my second divorce.
The commissioner gave the rules. We were NOT to interrupt. Needless to say, I was determined to obey his rule even though that was a hard one for me.
Interrupting The Lawyer
Gary’s attorney began, “Your honor, they took out a loan for the down payment of the property…”
I was outraged and blurted out, “I don’t know where you got your information, but I paid the down payment with my inheritance money!”
She turned to me with a look of shock on her face. Was it the shock that she had been lied to by her client or that I interrupted her? The commissioner didn’t get me in trouble for interrupting. We carried on with the fight. At some point, I told the commissioner that nothing that Gary was claiming to have done was permitted. He was not impressed.
The Judgment
The commissioner spoke to the attorney as to a friend, “I’m sorry, but she has the paperwork and I have to give her the land.” He would give the judgment on the spousal support later. It would come in the mail. Gary was ordered to vacate the land by a certain date. Gary got nothing else that he had requested. I was uneasy waiting to hear about the spousal support, but I was praising God for the victory of saving the land.
The Alimony Judgment Arrives
When the judgment arrived, I was ordered to pay Gary $1,200.00 per month in spousal support. I thought this was a bit much considering that I had a teenage daughter to support. There was no mention of an end date. This was a terrible blow. I tried to look on the bright side and see it as payment to Gary for the work that he had done. Actually, I felt like I was paying adult child support.
Gary Moves Out
The happy day for Gary to move out became one of the saddest days of my life. Unfortunately, I had to go to work and wouldn’t be able to see what he took. I feared that he would try to take the weedeater and the chainsaw which were bought with inheritance money. Consequently, I hid the weedeater along the creek. Next, I kept Gary distracted in the backyard while Ivana got the chainsaw out of the place where Gary had the tools stored. She hid it in the truck just in time. Then, we had to leave for my work and her school.
Unexpected Things Taken
On the way home around 9:00 p.m., I got a “kind” text from Gary telling me that he had taken the ladder and I had better buy another one so that Ivana could get up to her loft bedroom. That wasn’t very nice of him. When we arrived home, I cried to find that he had taken Trigger (He was his cat), Wolfy, and Johann. Johann had a disease and I couldn’t see how Gary could afford his vet bills. His brother, Wolfy, was the surrogate mom for the orphaned cats. They loved him as their leader.
Ivana was undaunted and was able to climb up the framing of the house to get to her room. After a good night’s rest, we began to notice other things that he took. The worst was that he decided that he wanted the tractor, and so he just took it. I reported this to the police, but since we were technically still married, it couldn’t be considered stolen. I would have to take him to court.
Retaining a Lawyer
Going forward on the homestead was going to cost a lot of money, but everything had to be put on hold to pay for retaining a lawyer. More paperwork had to be filled out and evidence acquired for the lawyer to take Gary to court to get the tractor back and to stop the alimony. There was no guarantee that it could be stopped, but he would try. Fortunately, I didn’t have to go to court. In the end, the alimony was removed and he was ordered to give back the tractor, but I had to go and get it.
The Battle Ended
When it was all over, I had paid Gary around $6,000.00 and the lawyer got $4,000.00. It was an unfortunate delay in moving forward on the homestead projects. The battle was fully ended on May 31, 2016, with the dissolution of the marriage.
Forgive and Go Forward
Harboring resentments does no one any good. It is very bad for one’s health. In the Lord’s Prayer, we pray, “Forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors.” This can only be done by God’s grace and power. I am thankful that I can talk with Gary without resentment. He has since remarried and was able to come for a visit to see the cats and get some of his things that got left behind. He says that he is also getting the victory in his life over his previous addiction. I wish him the very best.
Watch the Video
I give more details in the video about the requests that Gary made. I share this fight for the homestead to give advice and encouragement to those who may face this in the future.
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